The Ankle Biter @ Quibbling.net

Note to self: Read this when I am ready to get my mini Mac.

I want one, but if I’m going to get one (once I finish paying down my consumer debt), I’ve got to have a good reason, other than, “It’s so little and cool!”

So here’s the plan: Get the high-end model with Airport card, hook it up to the TV. Install one of the assorted Mac-related PVR systems out there. Add speakers. Connect to home network. There’s my backup system/fileserver/media server/video recorder/DVD player/wireless router.

See?

As told to me by Tom:

John Elway dies and goes to heaven. God meets him at the gates and gives him the tour. Finally, they arrive at a cute little house, two floors, front yard, etc. God says to Elway, “Okay, this’ll be your place for eternity. I hope you like it, and let me know if you need anything.”

As Elway watches God walk away, he sees the next house on the golden street. It’s a huge, three-story mansion on a large lot. It’s also black-and-gold. Black and gold trim, black and gold walkway, black and gold landscaping.

Elway says, “Um, God? I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, of course, but why does Roethlisberger get a house like that?”

God grins and says, “Oh, that’s not Ben’s house. That’s MY house.”

Gustav is convelescing at the dealer’s service department- the “Electronic Power Control” light would come on sporadically, usually while I was braking. If it was on when I started the car, I wouldn’t be able to get it out of Park. Which is a problem, when you intend to drive it.

In the meantime, I am driving a pretty silver Jetta. Let me just take a moment to say that I really like the Jetta. The Beetle is kind of my kid car- not as in “the car you put kids in,” (don’t get excited, Mom) but as in “the car you drive as a kid.” It’s fun and silly and perfect while I’m at the stage of my life when I don’t really need much of a backseat. Eventually, I will have to be a grownup and drive a practical sedan- I think I might get a Jetta. It corners better than the Beetle, which I like as well.

I also had a fun argument with HR today. My pay statement says that DC taxes will be withheld from the paycheck I’m about to get. Which is all fine and dandy, except I’m supposed to be paying Virginia taxes. And I had to argue this point with someone in HR.

“DC taxes are associated with DC Business Units.”

“But I live in Virginia.”

“But you work in DC, so you pay DC taxes.”

“No, I live in Virginia, so I pay Virginia taxes.”

“But you work in DC.”

“I know.”

“So DC taxes.”

“Nooooo….”

“Wait, is your office in Virginia?”

“Nooooo… I work in DC. I live in Virginia. I owe income taxes in Virginia.”

“Uh, I’m gonna have to do some research.”

Yeah, you do that.

It was a rough day.

I really really hate it when people driving big ol’ SUVs try to cram their urban assault vehicles into spaces very clearly marked “Small Cars Only.”

Dude. My VW Beetle is a small car. Your Ford Explorer is not. The sacrifice I make for driving a small car is a severe lack of cargo space. Your sacrifice for driving an SUV is that you can’t park anywhere you want. Deal with it.

Client: “Well, it looks like [talent] really hasn’t stayed at any job for very long…”

Us: “Could that be because he’s a TEMP?”

I have to go to a two-day training in Frederick, MD, of all places, this week. My manager told me that if i wanted to stay overnight on the night in between, he’d authorize the travel request. I was going to avail myself of this convenience, until I looked for the hotels in the immediate area of the training site. They all sounded like the Bates Motel.

It’s not that I want to be biased toward large, corporate chain lodgings, but the very homogeneity that chains get knocked for so often is exactly the thing that is most comforting in an unfamiliar place, especially one out in the middle of nowhere. It may be that the places listed were perfectly charming and clean and nice, but I know that if I’m staying in a Holiday Inn or a Fairfield Inn or whatever, there are certain minimum standards I can count on.

So I’ll be taking the drive each day. Oh well. It was a nice thought.

Since I am being so frequently asked how my first week on the job has gone and if I like it and all, I thought I’d summarize my thoughts for the convenience of you, my readers:

Thumbs Up:
The new office- stylishly decorated, no cubicles, comfy furniture.
The new coworkers- laid back, friendly, welcoming.
The parking lease- hooray for employer-paid parking.
The training- these people are serious about making sure I know how to do my job before they actually expect me to DO it.
The job itself- I’m more excited about putting people to work than I was about selling software.
The new boss- he has an even lower bullshit tolerance than I do, making him the complete polar opposite of my previous boss, who was the cause of all the bullshit in my job.

Thumbs Down:
The training locations- most of the training is done online, which is great, but the offsite trainings all seem to be in the most remote and unconnected places- 2 days in Frederick next week, and a week next month in Atlanta in a hotel with no Internet access. WTF?
Driving Downtown- I don’t even have to explain this for those of you who live in the area.

That’s about it. As you can see, the “thumbs down” items are minor annoyances, while the “thumbs up” list contains most of the meaningful things that determine the quality of a job and working environment. So yeah, I’m digging this.

Oh, I so have to try this. It’s the ultimate in fun undies.

I like my new job.

I like it a lot.

But I haven’t posted much because I’ve mostly been doing a lot of training. I knocked through about 5 online training classes today, including reading a very long set of operational standards. And considering how little actual work I’m doing, I’m freaking exhausted. I’m sure it’s just the stress of getting used to the new routine- my commute is shorter, but I’m headed downtown, which is ten times more harrowing.

So I’ve spent most of this week getting trained. This company, in contrast to the software company, has a pretty extensive, 4-month long, training program for new agents. My job this first week is pretty much to study and watch other people do their jobs. Next week? More studying and watching. I’ll shortly start getting my feet wet, though. I’m having some things assigned to me and will start to act on those soon.

So it’s going well. I still don’t have a window, but the office is painted fun colors and there’s actual art up, instead of crappy old motivational posters and product development timelines. I miss my old coworkers, but am coming to enjoy my new ones a great deal. Now, if I could just stop being so freaking tired.

I got TrackBack spammed today. HARD. And it was all ads for really nasty gross pr0n- not even your basic, run-of-the-mill, chicks-and-dicks pr0n. The extra-icky stuff.

So if any of you saw one of the ads, I apologize. I’m not online on my own computer all day to see the notifications come in, so I had like 80 of them when I got home and they’d been sitting there half the day.